Don’t be a massive cock

For someone who hasn’t any major or political view on The Royal family, I seem quite fixated on them at the moment. As I’ve already said: I loved The Wedding as an event: I happen to think they did everything well.

I also loved that through it so many of us were offered one of those perfect ‘fun’ storms. Those storms that reinforce the two primary requirements for proper fun to be had:

  1. The first rule of fun is there are no rules. Just give in to it
  2. the more you put into something the more you get out

Those Canadian women in tiara’s (and one with a 9 month old baby) who squatted overnight in a bid to catch not more than a a glimpse of the happy couple as they drove past - once on the way to The Abbey and once on the way back - were genuinely high on excitement and anticipation when questioned about their commitment. Those two midwives who bid for British flags on ebay and then made them into dresses and traipsed into town to watch the balcony kiss were beyond thrilled that from this day forward there would be a story attached to where they were on That Day. The thousands of people who made cucumber sandwiches and sat in streets, squares, fields and backyards across the country all constantly checking their cameras to ensure an accurate document of the day and their involvement in it.

All these people prove – to me at least – that the more you put in to and the more you give in to fun for no other purpose or goal than fun itself: the more you will have.

So why not? Why the FUCK NOT celebrate the wedding if it offers this as a prize?

“Show yourself and declare yourself idiotic’ was the threat from the usual suspects who fail to see the point in anything other than using their vast intellect to explain ‘why not’.

I’m all for smart people. Love ‘em. Think they’re awesome. And I love the way they can put information together in new and exciting ways in order to create challenging views and ideas. But why so often is it always and relentlessly to a poe-faced conclusion?

Why the FUCK - when there is a wedding to celebrate should I first consider the relevance of  a Monarch in the modern day or how much of a cunt George the third and his family were or debate whether Charles, Beatrice, Will, Zara et al are any different to Kerry, Jordon, Peter Andre and One Direction in that they’re talentless, overpaid people in the public eye when all I want to do is  celebrate the innocence of a couple deciding to publicly declare their devotion to each other?

And let me tell you the person who pipes up on why the the Royal Wedding is a pile of cock will be the same person who will pipe up about The Olympics and after that: the next thing.

I used to be impressed. I used to think “ooh. I hadn’t thought about that. They’re so clever and so learned and I’m a bit of a bint for so naively aiming myself at fun, fun, fun. Of course there are children starving in Africa. Why can’t I THINK!?”. So for a while there thanks to the seemingly never ending access to clever people willing to help me out - I was able to see the bigger picture. It was a dull period but I felt very smart.

Then it dawned on me that I was not living in the 16th or even the 18th century and pubs were not just for sitting in and bemoaning the modern day versions of The Plague and The Spanish Inquisition and the impact these could have on Google if we weren’t really fucking careful. I can now see these ‘smart people’ for the joyless, dried up sulk-jockeys they are.

I would like to ask these people something: You’re smart so you’re probably a ‘results’ kind of person right?  And if so, let me ask you how it’s working out for you standing on the outskirts of life - event after event, opportunity after opportunity? Are you sure that is where the good and the smart people live?

Why not cross tab ‘people likely to sleep out in the street in order to get poll position for a squiz at Kate’s dress with ‘people who nick shit’ or ‘don’t return library books’. I bet they index really low. Or ‘people who bought a Wedding souvenier’ with ‘chase the dragon’.  Again: probably low. And I bet ‘hosted their own street party’ with ‘provides care in the community’ indexes off the scale right?

So I don’t know if  ’fun’ creates good people or if good people create fun – who gives a fuck!? Shouldn’t we just be having it?

So to my reckoning more good people than bad people can be found where fun is. But will they be good AND clever?  I believe so. Living ‘in the now’, ‘in the moment’, all of that ‘stuff’ is absolutely not the practice of the stupid. It requires an intelligence of its own. One that balances the IQ with the EQ and is something that many a book declares to be almost a ‘divine’ intelligence. Geez, that sounds like if you were good enough at this type of intelligence people could even consider you a bit of a Guru. Kudos to you Big Guy. What better motivation? It almost sounds fun right?

A perfect day

Ooh I loved the Royal Wedding. That dress, that tiara, that veil. The simplicity of it all was breath taking. The courage to keep it so almost intimidating. In one fell swoop - in that decision alone - she proved to be less a disciple but a Queen of genuine style (although let’s be fair: Lady Diana left a howling clue on what not to do).

Prince William looked purposeful and happy and is possibly the only man who could pull a red jacket off at a wedding much less your own.  

The introduction of ‘nature’ as a theme within The Abbey was inspired. That was not a decorative decision. By carrying it through to her dress and her jewellery she was able to declare herself ‘as one’ with The Abbey and The Earth and to even dare to suggest that takes balls and as her first statement, I think she leaves us in no doubt that this is no little Lady.

I thought Kate’s family were brilliant too. Her Dad is a total fox and lead her Big Walk with palpable respect, love and care, her Mum was elegant and Pippa looked beautiful. How she could look that good and not lurch into dangerous upstage-ing territory is testimony to the focus and humility she displayed whilst carrying out her duty. She seemed very clear on why she was there and whilst her brother is not my cup of tea, I ‘get it’.

The Queen was fabulously happy in head-to-toe sunshine yellow, Camilla did herself (and dare I say it Lady Diana) proud by maintaining a rare and dignified Step-Mum-elegance. Prince Charles looked happier on that balcony than he did the first time and even The Duke seemed cheery and ‘up for it’ until he unceremoniously and unnecessarily ended that beautiful balcony scene.

Prince Harry is the better looking of the two in my opinion. I feel he’s aged better. 

I couldn’t help but think of Fireman Sam when I was watching the wedding. You know that little animated children’s programme set in Wales and based on a little village called Ponty Pandy? Have you ever noticed how patient Fireman Sam is with Norman despite his almost daily attempts to bring the village into the mouth of danger? It defies logic until you notice that Norman and Fireman Sam both share the same ginger hair. His mother has black hair and there is a noticeable absence of a ‘male figure’. I put it to you that Fireman Sam is Norman’s father. It would explain a lot.

Anyway….not sure why I kept thinking about that….where was I….oh that’s right..isn’t Prince Harry ageing well? He hasn’t got the same floppy and receding hair as The Duke, Prince Charles, Prince William……..